A moment in time

This week in writing we have been learning to describe a moment in time to do that you had to start your sentence with a hook ,use detail in our sentences,use present tense,use descriptive langue and only write about the picture. can you give me some feed back?

‘’Crash’’ the rider landed roughly on the ground. He held on to his handles tightly as screws holding a pantry together.  His bike dashed over the dirt. His bike bolted over the crest of the hill. He smells the rusty dirt as The dust whooshed passed his face. He was starting to panic as he zoomed pass a motorbike.  The boy heard the trees whistling.They can hear people cheering on for them. He is wondering if he is going to win the race. He could see people in front of him oh no he said! he might be thinking  I have to catch up and he did. He was starting to get exhausted he was getting out of breath that his heart was pounding so hard that he nearly fell off his bike.